RJ004. When I was a dinosaur

by 70 cm³ of Your Chest

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1.
Everything was doomed From the day I hatched Love and an open heart Were my own diseases One day I will learn how to convert Them into anger, into evil I kept my eyes fixed On those who bear the light And the caring ones Lived forever in my mind. I didn’t know that much of the world But I couldn’t choose not to be part of it I had felt other sufferings, I remember the fear in the night And like never before I’ve been waiting for mornings ‘till somebody will come to sustain. Somebody to wonder with me Through the wide world And to shield me From night winds in gloom I learned the colors, Listen to the fairy tales In whisper help in every light I didn’t watch in vain as I do it today Was easy in mind something more to expect To look forward to at the days When it started And life was more exciting I’m more scared Than ever I say I’m not All that time I kept away Didn’t think one day it’ll be too late Darkest hours There has been One fond heart That loves and shields me from night winds When everything’s in gloom I will let it alone
2.
I’ve never learned to be alone Open-hearted tried to find Other sad eyes With something hidden yet alive Weakness like roots Sprouted out of my hands Delving into Somebody on guard I feared nobody as nobody could Do something any worse as I did myself Standing in front of the mirror And taking stock of the flaws I never got angry enough What I used to do is to get sad To turn into a frost And to look fierce with cold How somebody could have that Much cruelty on oneself to Desire to wreck apart just to Hope the loving one will gather All the shivers into one And put you under the glass My skin is a surface of the moon I breathe on you and it comes as ice I leach through into flesh Into the bones Until I become A part of you I can now have this curse on me Curse I cannot break There’s nothing I could really give But I’ll forever take
3.
Memory folded into the bones Blended and paled ‘till it’s no more than echo How dear were those Summers by the sea That rawness used To keep me through the year I had sand in my book And a sorrow in my head I’m still thirsty for that sea It smells like yearning Perhaps it’s not the scene It’s just a sense Of these endless summers When we needed no place to go No goal to set We loved without anyone to love Shadows got long Nothing was left there Our silence grew The child was gone What I used to call the past I have only dinosaur bones Stubborn lives Savage feelings I find there solitude And smell of death And dawn of ghosts Of which I am one You’re hopeless When you have nothing to wait for You’re hopeless to make ruins feel like home Before you let go Fade out We got sad because We were too weak or we Haven’t done enough Or we loved too hard And while we’re glorifying Dreary future we are sorry That the past was happening And we didn’t even notice
4.
Like animals we grope Throughout the forest Too self-assured As if we know what’s there for us Blind-folded ourselves We guide the others No time for guessing Follow your project Where’s no time to bear sorrow But we’d take spared happiness alongside In fact we’re born aware we gonna die And that’s the only thing is waiting for us planned We stand by Stare at sky No wings to fly No tears to cry No place to hide Wrecked pride We’re mortified We’re the most gifted To close our eyes We expound peace But don’t notice a war In our backyard We’re the first ones to advice While our hearts drown far off shore As ourselves we drown in our lies We lose a track as we can’t stand Who we are We cover life under false joy under sunrise The biggest fear is to listen to own thoughts Too much of noises It eats my blood Through air spreads poison Years of black flood I’ve may not learned a lot And I’m not experienced that well With such a thrill I talked about death to come I’m more than afraid now ‘Cause I believe in it If I’d find a way to Calm myself within Neither it’s a sleep Nor it’s awakening No time no infinity Nothing nowhere no weep
5.
I Ached 06:55
No more turning back And no coming home We never had home Sometimes I catch a glimpse From the past But the next moment I trap it under titan dome That care and love From those early days It feels like a venom of snakes Burning me inside out Artificial questions fake answers Enough of imitations I’m fed up We’re not from the same herd I was dragged back way Too many times What I was told to be Meaning, beauty and joy Turn out as decay and lies Everything smells like lies There was nobody to define What’s bad and what’s good Out of sight running light Too thin to chase for Sit tight, eyes in fright, Heartbreak to be a good child I swallow words, I drift my stare, I turn my head, I reach for air, I find my path leading nowhere, At least for a first time it’s my own
6.
Reality is what we think it is When it seems as I ascended From a sight It’s still me Looking at the world From underwater Looking for a prey To slash its’ solid spirit As mine was slashed someday I’ll keep it in a hutch And turn softness into ashes Will tell the same as I’ve been told: It’s love This is where you enter the picture I take my pattern I put a trap Of hell and pain wrapped into a false kindness Somebody who was served as monster will never rise as dear And then I come In a burst of violence Mind shatters as everything you were is ripped apart Feels like blood spilling I convince you that it’s worth living In sorrow and pain There’s no escape
7.
My new life was worn out Like a bleached piece of cloth Haven’t even kept one souvenir From the past Rather felt death In a heart Ought to let A bird from a chest All time is now dead time Every day is the worst day Because it’s the most recent day Took this ordinary path Just raised my gaze to the sky The sky is on fire The rain of the flames Traces of death My domain now is being reigned by grief Dust and filth overtook And everything I knew is undercover My eyes may look surprised But my soul forecasted it coming Soon this chaos will leave the planet It will fall forever quiet A heart bleeds to hear you behind But I’ll exist nearby this life At times you cannot any longer remember Find a path to my mind and become my ghost For a first time in my life I’m allowed to meet my own sorrow I didn’t stand a chance Was holding dead man’s hand Empire is over The fossils may remain That’s how I was left on the earth Until I expired I extinct

about

'When I Was A Dinosaur' is 100% free for download, but donation will be appreciated as all of collected money from digital version will be donated to Tušti narvai Lithuanian non-profit organisation who are fighting to end the suffering of farm animals.

Co-released with:

zilpzalp records
Sunsetter Records
Flamingo Noise records
This charming man records

credits

released April 4, 2019

Recording session in Bremen at Sunsetter Recording Studio with Fabian Schulz.

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